Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
