My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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