Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
