he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
