I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
