He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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