i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
