I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
