We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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