i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
