Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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