I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
