Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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