Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
