he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
