quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
