69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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