The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
