I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
