he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
