is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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