I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As shirtless as possible
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
