Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
