Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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