He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize