My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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