i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
