i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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