I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
