I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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