i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
