o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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