i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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