it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
