I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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