take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Boobs speak an international language.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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