Barsexuality is the new black.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
