just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
