I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
