one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
