just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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