Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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