What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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