i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
