3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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