Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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