Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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