I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
