all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Oh god it's open bar.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
