just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
