This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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