so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
