I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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