Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We got so high we made milksteak
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
