An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
false alarm, still single
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