Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
