Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
