I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
