I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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