I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
