he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
