Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
