I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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