I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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