Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
