Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The air was thick with penises
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
