hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
