He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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