Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he puts the penis in happiness.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
