Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
