I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
