Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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