You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
