STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
