I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
