I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
