Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
