he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
