Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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